Rambling (01/31/2013)Posted: 01/31/2013
Recently I read a post from an online friend on the Cancer Survivor Network (csn.org). The gist of the post was about how cancer is always in the subconscious of the cancer patient’s mind. This post prompted me to think about the cancer emotional roller coaster.
I agree with my friend – the cancer issue seems to always be present. I don’t think one day has passed since Halloween 2011 (when I was first diagnosed with cancer) where I haven’t thought about this ugly disease and the possible implications to me. Sometimes I’ll wake up before I should wake up, and my mind will wander. I can see how this disease can easily overwhelm a person.
But so far I have been able to cope well enough.
My faith certainly takes credit for this disease NOT overwhelming me. I know that Jesus is with me every day and every step of the way. And his perfect plan will surely prevail. And I will serve him as best I can, one day at a time.
I am truly a very blessed man and I don’t count my blessings nearly as often as I should.
When I was seventeen I became involved with a Christian youth group called “Search for Christian Maturity.” During the time with this group I learned a lot about how much Jesus loves each and every one of us. God is Love and Love is God! And I felt Loved! And I felt God’s presence!
And I have been very lucky (e.g. Blessed) to have sooooo much Love in my life. I have always had a lot of Love in my life. I love God with my entire heart and soul! And Jesus Loves me beyond my comprehension. I loved my mother and father, and my brothers and sisters. I love my wife and all my children. I love my friends. I don’t think I have any enemies, but if I did, I would try to love them as well.
And I feel much love in return.
Love truly has been a blessing in my life! Singing has also been a blessing to me.
I grew up singing in church choirs through grade school, high school, college, and post-college. And one of the wonderful blessings from this experience is that the songs that we sung week-after-week, were burned into my memory (Thank you Sister Mary Johnathon). The lyrics from these songs are loaded with Love, wisdom, and life’s lessons, taken directly from the word of God. The melody and verses of these songs are rooted in my soul. Or perhaps it is my soul that is rooted in these songs?
I sing because I’m happy. Oh happy days. Be not afraid, I go before you always! I once was blind but now I can see. On a hill far away. Just say the word and I will be healed. Just a closer walk with Thee! And he will raise you up on Eagle Wings! He who believes in me will never die. Amazing Grace. How Great thou Art. Here I am Lord, is it I Lord! Glory to God in the highest. Mine eyes have seen the Glory. Jesus is the Light, he’s the light of the world. There will be peace in the valley. I’m on my way to heaven. Like a bridge over troubled waters. And on and on and on and on and on…
Yes, cancer is always here for me. And I will likely think about cancer every day for the rest of my life. And I will likely have some down and weaker times. However, I’m sure that Jesus will be walking with me every step of the way. And cancer will NEVER overwhelm us.
We saw the doctor today and he restated the plan. I will start the second line of chemo today (FOFIRI and Erbitux). The hope is that these medications will stop/reverse the tumor growth. The Lord willing, the drugs WILL put the tumors in check. I will receive four treatments (today, 2/14, 2/28, 3/14) and then we will take a look to assess the progress. I expect that the CT and MRI scans will be done on or around March 19, 2013.
March 19 is a special day for me and my family. It is St. Joseph day. I grew up going to Patronage of St. Joseph church and St. Joseph’s day was a very big event in our parish. My middle name is Joseph. My son’s middle name is Joseph. My mother passed away on March 19. So, I will be
celebrating March 19 regardless of any tests or test results. And I invite each of you to celebrate with me, every day.
May Love shine upon you today.
May God’s Blessings flow to you and your beloved.
Thank you all so much for all your support.
ps. I recently read that hugs are good for your health! So, next time you see me feel free to give me a hug. And get a hug in return. 🙂
pss. Thank you all who came to the kareoke night last Saturday! It was simply wonderful! I thoroughly enjoyed your great company.
psss. Thank you too everyone who came to Sunday service with us! I am grateful for having been able to share that time together!
pssss. Congratulations Tony! Your play was excellent. The cast did an awesome job! And I’m looking forard to the musical.